


Heartbeats

by Raiken



Series: Destiny's Embrace [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Changbin is in love but angsty, Feelings, Flirting, Grinding, Hyunjin is flirty and cute, Kissing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Sexual Inexperience, Sexual Tension, Soft Boys, also Sassy boys, they banter a lot, they do more than the grinding but it stays innocent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 21:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19858456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiken/pseuds/Raiken
Summary: “Trust me,” the younger said, shifting higher so they were face to face as a hand snaked around Changbin’s neck to pull his hood over his head, hiding them. Hyunjin leaned in to peck his lips and Changbin kept him close, missing the contact already. They kissed again, little kisses that didn’t last long but felt wonderful and created butterflies in their bellies.-In which, Changbin and Hyunjin long for each other but don't know how to express all that want and all those feelings.





	Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I'm happy to present you the second part of Destiny's Embrace. I turned this into a series of two, this is the second and last part. Please, read Destiny's Embrace before reading Heartbeats, especially because it's a follow up story and it can't be read as a stand-alone.
> 
> It has been beta-read, but I apologize if there are mistakes left.
> 
> I fell in love with ChangJin, I couldn't help writing about them again. They're so cute and they make me soft. <3

After long hours of working on some new stuff with 3Racha, Changbin turned the lights of the studio off and listened to the other two chat on the way home. They tried to include him in their conversation but he was too tired to keep up and think about forming words. 

“You’re no fun when you’re tired,” he heard Jisung say, “at least I get funnier the more exhausted I become.”

“No, you’re just louder. It’s like when you’re drunk and you can’t stop talking,” Chan poked him, smiling at the younger’s offended face.

That’s when Changbin lost track of the conversation. They were background noises while his mind wandered somewhere else. With someone else. Doing something else. Warm, sticky, wet, hungry… He blushed in shame, ears turning red as he looked down, disgusted by himself. That wasn’t how you respected people; you didn’t think about them naked and panting, you didn’t picture yourself doing dirty things to them. They weren’t aware of how they’re used in nasty fantasies.

The truth was love remained a scary feeling and desire felt so foreign to him that he didn’t know how to handle it. He suppressed everything for too long, and this _everything_ kept erupting until he lost control and tasted what he denied for years. And then Hyunjin was in his mind, bare and ready for him, and Changbin quietly apologized after it got gloppy in the palm of his hand.

They reached home, pitch black except for the yellow edges around the bedroom doors, and Jisung immediately claimed the shower. Chan went to grab a snack, sitting down at the table as he opened his computer to work one more time. He looked up at Changbin, squinting because he couldn’t see anything in the dark. The screen light was blinding him and Changbin turned on the lights of the kitchen, “don’t become blind as well.” 

“As well as what?” Chan chuckled, typing his password, probably.

“As well as a drained and moody insomniac. You should be careful, we can’t lose our genius here.”

“I’d work even if I was blind,” shrugged Chan.

“That’s the problem,” and Changbin left to his bedroom where Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin were laid on the latter’s bed to play… whatever they were playing, Changbin wasn’t good at video games so he stopped caring a long time ago. 

He felt something pull at his sweater and he knew Hyunjin was trying to be noticed. As if that was necessary, really. Changbin longed for the boy the moment he left the studio.

He turned around to face a smiley Hyunjin tugged under the blanket who shifted backwards to make room for him. Changbin knew how bad his hygiene was, he worked a lot and didn’t take time for basic human care. It’s been like… three, four days since he last showered. He sure smelled bad, his hair was dirty but at least he chewed gum in the studio. Not like they’d be kissing with everyone around, anyway.

“I stink”, he simply said. However, Hyunjin didn’t like being denied things. “I don’t care,” he patted the space beside him, “I kept it warm for you.”

Changbin snorted at that and sat on the bed, “seriously, I smell like rotten onions right now.”

Hyunjin arched an eyebrow and yanked him down, “I said that I didn’t care.” So Changbin made himself comfortable, it was too warm but he didn’t mind the blanket being thrown over him. Shielding their bodies pressed together, legs tangled and Hyunjin’s hands under the front his sweater, tickling his belly. They were facing each other, smiling like proud little kids who did something stupid. 

“Touch me,” Hyunjin whispered. 

“I didn’t clean my hands,” he whispered back.

“I don’t care either.” 

Changbin swallowed, he was dirt and Hyunjin was everything beautiful. Clean and pretty with his skin moist and soft and smelling good. He was perfect. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin took his hand and placed it on his hip, under his shirt, “I know you want to.” He grinned smugly. “Don’t worry, they can’t see. They’re not even paying attention to us.”

He unfocused his mind from Hyunjin to listen to what the three youngest were doing. He heard shouts and game sounds and some _I beat you_ , _it’s my turn to play_ , _you cheated!_

Fingers were tapping at his abs and he looked down at Hyunjin who smiled shyly, “pay attention to me.”

“I always am.”

“But we didn’t see each other in three days.”

“I’m working, you’re working, we’re busy,” he weakly explained, such sad but realistic excuses. Sometimes, he wished life could be easier, but that’s not what the nine of them chose. That meant cutting down friends, family, social life, no free time, no fun, no girlfriends. And also no boyfriend, even if he was right there, in the middle of his arms. 

“I know all of that, what I mean is I miss you. I miss this. I can’t stop thinking about last time in Germany. I just miss you.” Hyunjing moved closer, setting his head against Changbin’s chest, “I miss listening to this.” A skinny arm looped around his waist and Changbin held him tighter.

“Why do you like the sound of my heart so much?” He asked, caressing the younger’s back.

“Because it beats for me,” Hyunjin murmured softly.

Changbin wanted to cry. 

There was so much love between them, yet he couldn’t fathom how real it was.

He didn’t know how to react, his hazy mind making him blink in confusion as he started to breathe faster. And all of sudden, everything began to swirl. Hyunjin’s shampoo, strong and floral, was suffocating and he could feel the tiny pearls of sweat under his nails. He could drown in the scent, drown in this wetness, drown in the warmth that was Hyunjin.

The younger looked up, palming his chest where his heart pounded like it got mad and wanted to get out. “Am I scaring you?” He asked in a tiny murmur, locking their eyes together. Changbin shook his head, drawn back to reality by the black pools of eyes staring at him with worry. “Then why are you panicking?” He questioned, tracing circles around his heart. 

“Because I like you too much. It’s like… I’m high and distracted,” he gave him a reassuring smile and Hyunjin smiled back timidly. “Okay, but you have to tell me if anything is making you uncomfortable,” he said in a frown, his hand sliding out of Changbin’s sweater.

“Of course,” Changbin replied, going to brush the bangs’ out of the younger’s face, gently thumbing at his temple.

“So… I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”

He froze. They weren’t alone, what if they got caught? 

“Trust me,” the younger said, shifting higher so they were face to face as a hand snaked around Changbin’s neck to pull his hood over his head, hiding them. Hyunjin leaned in to peck his lips and Changbin kept him close, missing the contact already. They kissed again, little kisses that didn’t last long but felt wonderful and created butterflies in their bellies.

Nevertheless, the butterflies all melted in two wildfires that wanted to unite and that’s how they parted, untangled themselves, because they lightly began grinding against each other.

Then Seungmin yelled something along _you’re all doing my chores because I won_ and his face appeared behind Changbin, fleering. He kicked the oldest with his foot, “are you harassing Hyunjin again? Somebody call the police!” He snickered before walking out of the room.

Changbin sighed in annoyance, “I’m going to take a shower.” Hyunjin nodded, smiley which made him feel better. So he went to take a shower, colder than usual, changed into clean clothes and climbed in his bed. Someone turned off the lights before they all said good night.

When Changbin entered the living room, everything was out of place. Minho was in the kitchen, cleaning apples. Jisung, perched on the counter, was cheekily munching something, which seemed to piss Minho off, _that isn’t for you to eat_. Felix was tying the trash bag, slippers too big on his feet. And he saw Woojin, arms crossed, leaning on the door frame of the bathroom. He walked closer, only to hear spewing noises.

“What’s happening? Why is Felix taking out the trash and why is Minho washing apples? Since when do we eat fruits?” He asked the oldest, confused. They weren’t that… messy off cameras. Actually, the place was pretty quiet, especially because they couldn’t disturb their neighbors’ tranquility. Yet, it was past midnight and half of them were still awake, charging the dorm with their multiplied energy. 

Woojin moved aside, allowing Changbin to see Hyunjin’s head in the toilet bowl with Seungmin holding him. “He microwaved frozen chicken and ate it, so I think he got food poisoning.” 

“Shouldn’t we call the doctor?”

“I’ll take him tomorrow, but he should just rest and stay hydrated for the night,” Woojin went to dampen a washcloth and knelt in front of Hyunjin to gently tap his face. 

“Wash your face and eat something, alright?” The oldest told him. Hyunjin nodded, sitting on the floor against Seungmin. Changbin met his eyes and despite being tired and sick, Hyunjin gave him a small smile. 

He looked down the younger’s shirt, noticing the vomit stains, “I’ll get you something clean.” He left to their bedroom and rummaged through Hyunjin’s wardrobe. “Is Hyunjin okay? Should we ban chicken from our diet?” Asked Jeongin from his bed, amused by his own joke. “He’s fine,” Changbin replied. 

He went back to the bathroom, giving Hyunjin his new shirt. He looked away when the younger took off his dirty pajama top, deciding to focus on Seungmin, whose fingers were counting each of Hyunjin’s ribs, “your diet worked, you slimmed down.” The singer pinched the skin there, earning a yelp from Hyunjin who threatened to throw up on him next time.

Seungmin laughed and tried to push him out of the bathroom. Changbin caught a febrile Hyunjin in the middle of his arms, stepping backwards from the movement. He felt the younger’s chin on his shoulder and hugged him tighter.

After that, Seungmin walked out of the room, leaving both of them still holding each other. “I feel like shit,” whimpered Hyunjin, making himself comfortable against Changbin.

“I know. You should wash your face and drink something,” he guided him towards the sink. 

When Hyunjin was drying his face, he asked, “why did you look away?” They locked eyes through the mirror, “it’s not like you never saw me naked before.”

And Changbin didn’t know what answer to give. _I look away because I want to respect you but at the same time, looking away means something changed between us. And if something changed between us, that means that there’s a crack in our friendship. All because of me._

_Also… I’m horny and looking makes me want for more._

“I didn’t want to risk your beauty turning me into stone,” he smirked. 

Hyunjin snickered at that, “but I’m so ugly right now.” He sniffed, face pale, eyes puffy and red and lips chapped from the stretch that came with puking. 

“I think that’s when you’re the most pretty.”

“Thank you,” he smiled, quivering a bit.

They slowly headed to the kitchen where Minho was cutting apples, with everyone around stealing slices. “At least, leave some for Hyunjin,” he protested and Seungmin teased him, “this is the first time you’re doing something nice, we must take advantage of it.”

“You mean, take advantage of me.”

“Right!” Seungmin, Felix and Jisung clapped their hands while Woojin watched them, bored. Minho suddenly got up and they all backed away, fearful. He wouldn’t hit them, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t intimidating.

“Okay, I’m tired and I want peace. It’s time for everyone to calm down and go to bed,” announced Woojin, forcing the three youngest out of the kitchen. Minho looked up when Changbin and Hyunjin entered, pushing a plate of apple slices towards them.

“How are you feeling?” He asked Hyunjin. 

The two boys sat next to each other.

“Bad and weak and gross,” replied the younger, taking a slice and nibbling at it. “Thank you,” he said, smiling at Minho who grinned back, “my mom used to make me eat a fruit after I got sick when I was a kid. Figured you’d need some.”

He left.

Silence filled the room as the voices faded away. Changbin’s head stopped buzzing with the absence of any sensorial disturbance and felt himself relax.

They were alone, finally.

Turning to face him, Hyunjin moved his chair closer to flip his legs over his. Instinctively, Changbin placed his hands on each knee, sliding up his thighs and feeling the muscles under the fabric of the jogging.

“How was work?” the younger asked, lazily eating.

“Unproductive, which pisses me off. Chan’s still in the studio, though. I don’t know how he keeps getting inspired. I wish I was like him sometimes,” he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. He unconsciously tapped his fingers on Hyunjin’s thighs, his own leg getting restless. “I should have stayed there, this place was so noisy when I came.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin scooted closer and intertwined their fingers to stop his agitation, “everyone was tired and then I got sick and they wanted to help.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just frustrated because I can’t allow myself not to be productive,” he squeezed the younger’s hands, “how was yours?”

“Like the usual, dancing, singing, trying new styles, studying english.”

“Sounds productive,” he smirked and Hyunjin kicked him with a hand he immediately put back in its place, in Changbin’s. “Yeah, and then I threw up and I’ll feel weak and weird tomorrow, and that won’t be productive.”

“You can’t be productive all the time, it’s okay to take time for yourself,” he said, quoting the stupidest sentence he ever heard. As if people like them were allowed this type of freedom. Hyunjin shot him a funny look, “you know you can talk to us if something is stressing you.”

“I know. I’m sorry, it’s just a bad day,” Changbin gave him a small smile, drawing patterns in the middle of his wrists. 

Nothing was wrong, really. He just couldn’t concentrate today; the ticking of the clock and the beeping of the chargers and then the computer started to heat. The texture of the paper made his skin itch and he wanted to scratch his arms until they bled. The little food he managed to swallow was insipid, too. 

“I’m glad you came early, though,” Hyunjin swung his legs mildly, “I missed talking to you.” Then he frowned, lips forming a pout, “was that too cheesy?”

Changbin laughed at that, “that wasn’t bad. It’s not like you can flirt with me on camera, that’s my job.”

“Hey, at least I’m trying.”

“It’s okay, your ass makes up for all the times you could flirt back but you reject me instead,” he grinned.

“So you can’t look at me when I’m changing but you can stare at my butt?”

“Not my fault, you look amazing in skinny jeans,” Changbin pulled him to his lap, hands sliding up the thighs to boldly palm the younger’s round bottom. Hyunjin wrapped his thin arms around his shoulders, smiling down at him. His eyes fluttered a bit and he leaned to breathe in his neck. 

Changbin could hear and sense Hyunjin’s heart thumping. He could smell his skin, smell his hair and he drank him in to never forget. He held him close, feeling the younger’s breath tickling him. The warmth of their embrace trapping them in a cage of affection, want, desire or simply love. 

Softly, he began kissing the younger’s neck, his hands moving up his back, pressing each bone with the tips of his fingers.

Hyunjin turned his head to lean in and kiss him. 

It was delicate and slow, not too hungry, not too sloppy. It was just right. It was sharing their emotions and feelings without words. It was stronger than words.

They stopped when the lock of the door clicked. Hyunjin pouted and stood up, palms still on Changbin’s shoulders whose hands slid down to the younger’s hips. 

“See you soon,” Hyunjin whispered before leaving.

Chan came in view, eyeing the apple slices and Changbin told him to finish them so he could wash the plate.

They decided they would eat alone but together, for once. So Changbin went to a convenience store to buy healthy food, as Hyunjin requested. However, he only got sandwiches and decided pizza wasn’t too bad either. He knew Hyunjin would nag, though. Then he would take a bite and eat the whole thing, anyway.

He closed the door behind when he entered the practice room and found Hyunjin cleaning the floor. All sweaty, with hair wet and panting from the effort. Still beautiful, if you ask him.

Changbin waited until the younger was done, then proceeded to unpack the food.

“You bought pizza?” Hyunjin sat next to him on the sofa, opening a water bottle.

“Thought you needed some fats on,” he retorted, “skeletons can’t dance.”

The younger sneered at that, “my body, my choice.”

“I know, I’m joking.”

“Short people can’t joke.”

And they both cracked up.

After that, they ate in a comfortable silence. Hyunjin took two pizza slices, as expected, and even sipped a bit of coke. 

Once they finished eating, the younger tidied everything while Changbin plugged his phone to the speaker and put on a random playlist. He sat back on the couch, not noticing the lights turning low as Hyunjin flopped his head on his lap, smiling up at him.

“I hope you don’t mind staying a bit with me before going back to work,” he said softly.

“Are you kidding? I hate being with you,” Changbin replied with irony, caressing the sticky hair with one hand and playing with the damp shirt with the other.

“Liar, you’re addicted to me.”

“Uh-uh, that’s what I want you to think.”

“That’s what everyone in the band and the staff and the fans think,” he giggled, legs kicking in the air.

Truth to be told, it was always annoying how everyone teased him for being so needy towards Hyunjin. You could tell by the look of his eyes that he was totally infatuated. Luckily, no one took it as _love_ , just as a one-sided affection.

But he shouldn’t care about what the world thought when he had his own world cutely laying on his lap and looking up at him with round, hopeful eyes.

“Hey, I like you and I’m happy you like me back, and I want you to kiss me,” the younger reached for the collar of his hoodie, “unless you don’t want to.”

Changbin leaned down and kissed him. Soft lips, thickened from the heath of dancing too much. They parted to let his tongue in. Hyunjin grabbed him by the neck to pull down deeper and the kiss grew hungrier. Changbin was fisting the younger’s shirt by now, then letting go to palm his bare belly and touch, touch, touch, feeling all the smooth skin. 

Hyunjin whined, taking the hand to move it between his legs, on top of his pants. He moaned when Changbin applied pressure, breaking the kiss. 

Changbin felt his throat constricting the oxygen as he stared at the pearls forming on the younger’s forehead, wetting his hair even more and then looking at his lips moist from their saliva, slightly parted. He heard it all, his tiny moans, his fast heartbeats, the scratch of his feet on the leather of the couch.

“You’re so beautiful,” he leaned down to kiss him again and squeezed the bugle in the hollow of his palm.

He knew they couldn’t do more. They wouldn’t do more either, not in a place like this. So when Hyunjin gripped his wrist, he straightened up, letting his head fall back and took a deep breath. At least, Hyunjin stopped at the right time, before he got too hard from just touching the younger. 

He needed to cool down and maybe take a piss.

“How do you feel?” Hyunjin sat up, cross-legged, hair sticking to his forehead. He was trying to slow his breathing, blinking and playing with the hem of his shirt. That was adorable.

“I feel like I’m going to explode,” Changbin replied as Hyunjin’s eyes looked down _there_ and he blushed. “You’re so cute, I just touched you and you’re nervous because you know I’m hard.”

“No one has touched me before, this is new. But… you want it as much as me and I like that,” he grinned.

“You have no idea what power you have on me.”

“I think I do, actually,” he moved closer, pecking Changbin’s mouth, then picked the water bottle on the floor. He handed it to him once he drank half of the content.

Hyunjin leaned on his shoulder, intertwining their fingers. And they waited like that until they decided they had to get back to work.

_At the balcony._

The company had a few rooms with balconies, everyone loved them because they could taste a bit of freedom there. 3Racha made three of these rooms theirs when they started producing music, one for each. They needed a professional set up and peace if they wanted to work without any disturbance. _Artists’ privileges_ , some liked to say. But they didn’t care, that’s where and how art was created, after all.

The dim light of the room welcomed him, Hyunjin placed his bag on the floor, next to the older’s. The notebook on the desk was open, blackened by scribbles, and the laptop played some piano. He saw Changbin leant on the balustrade of the balcony. He tiptoed and back-hugged him, resting his chin on the older’s shoulder.

“It’s so nice here,” he looked down, the streets were empty and the cars all parked with the streetlights illuminating their roofs as well as the trees, “but scary.”

“Only if you fall,” replied the older slyly.

“Do you want me to fall?”

“If you fall, I jump with you.”

“That’s super dark…” Hyunjin held him tighter against his chest, “I don’t want to die yet, we still haven’t sheathed the sword.”

Changbin snorted, “I bet that comes from one of your boring dramas.”

“Wouldn’t it be boring if they indeed… _sheathed the sword_?” he whispered like a conspirator.

“So you want to sheath the sword. Mine or yours?”

“Okay, let’s stop calling it that.”

“What do you want me to say? Fuck your ass?” he asked amused, seeing the younger scrunch his nose in disgust.

“Ew!”

“That’s gonna happen one day, eventually…” Changbin turned in the younger’s embrace, facing him and wrapping his arms around his middle, “but I don’t know how it works, to be honest.”

“Me neither, I never even watched porn.”

“Well, porn is trash. It would gross us out more than anything.”

“I agree…” Hyunjin pressed their foreheads together, looking down with a blush, “but I want you.”

“I want you too. All the time,” he confessed, “and you smell amazing right now.”

“I smell like sweat.”

“I like sweat, Hwang Hyunjin sweat. Should be a perfume,” he teased, pecking his nose, then his mouth when the younger closed his eyes.

“I love it here,” Hyunjin said, looking up, “we are between the sky and the ground, and there’s no one. Just us. And we can do what we want.” He was smiling.

“I want to kiss you some more. I missed you,” he leaned up to catch the younger’s mouth with his. Like a flower, pink and soft, waiting to be picked. Nobody could see them, only the stars. Those distant fireballs watching them kiss with desire, bodies sliding against each other, wanting more friction, until Changbin pushed them both towards the wall. 

He slipped a leg between Hyunjin’s thighs, leaving hungry kisses on his neck while the younger gripped his butt with one hand; the other grasped at his back, under the clothes. At this point, they were just panting and rutting against each other. It felt so good they couldn’t stop.

With his mind clouded by want, Changbin forgot how to open his eyes. He was burning alive, and couldn’t breathe this thick air filled by Hyunjin’s scent. His hands were everywhere on the younger, wanting to touch everything, feel the wet skin, the line of hair down his belly button, the softness of his nipples. He wanted to taste Hyunjin, more than his lips, more than his neck. He wanted to go down and make him wet. 

Make him his.

“Wait.”

He shot his eyes open, back to reality.

“My head is spinning,” Hyunjin was clinging to him, breathing hard. “I don’t know why. I feel weird,” he sniffed, hiding his face in the crook of Changbin’s neck.

“We should sit.”

“I think my legs are too weak right now.”

“I’ll help you,” he told him, drawing soothing circles on his back. Gently, he brought him down until Hyunjin steadied himself on the floor. “Do you want to drink?” He asked the younger who just nodded, hair bumping around his head. “I’ll be back.”

Changbin didn’t know how he managed to walk back in the studio without swaying. His high crashed down so suddenly when Hyunjin needed help. It’s like he jumped from the balcony and was pulled back again. He felt bad for losing control. He shouldn’t have let his instincts override his reason.

But it happened, anyway. 

They both wanted it, for that matter. 

Only Hyunjin could make him feel this way. And _this way_ was special. Unique. It was between them. It was like a liquid fire wanting to be set free and the only way was to be together.

“Changbin?” The younger called him in worry.

“I’m here,” he sat, handing him the bottle. Hyunjin immediately scooted closer. 

“Were you lost in your thoughts again?” He asked, sipping the water, “why are you always panicking?” His voice was gentle, so gentle. “You didn’t hurt me. What’s between us isn’t hurting me.”

“I know, but it freaks me out.”

“Why?” Hyunjin held his hand, “tell me.”

“Because I want you so much and my mind can’t keep up with... all the things I want to do to you,” he admitted, the tips of his ears warming with stress. All those dirty things he had in mind since they kissed, the first time. All the filthy thoughts he repressed since they became friends were all flaring, freed and making him blind.

“What do you want to do to me?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? I can tell you the stuff I’ve been thinking, too,” Hyunjin had a cheeky grin, leaning his head on the older’s shoulder. “You know I used to think about us like it was a sin, I mean before we happened.”

Changbin frowned, “a sin?”

“Yeah, we learn it’s a sin because we shame people for wanting to have sex, especially women. And it’s the same for people of the same gender… I don’t care anymore though, we’re more than what we’re told even if it’s hard to be ourselves since other people want to hurt us.”

“Hyunjin, if anyone hurts you, I’d beat them up.”

“Yeah, and we’d be buried alive by our own country. Public bashing and harassment and everything.”

“I know...” Changbin caressed his hand, leaning his own head on top of Hyunjin’s.

“Anyway, I’m happy and I’m with you, so this is all it matters to me.”

“Here I thought I was the more mature of the two,” he sighed in resignation.

“I think you think I’m some sort of delicate thing who can’t handle having my ass groped,” the younger teased, poking him in the tummy.

“Aren’t you? You see bubbles and scream in agony before falling down,” he said, remembering all the times Hyunjin was being dramatic during fansigns and games.

“Stop making fun of me!” Hyunjin hit him lightly.

Changbin intertwined their fingers, squeezing them between his. “You’re so cute… and hot,” he added after the younger threw his long legs over his, the fabric of the pants hugging his muscles beautifully. He couldn’t resist to touch them.

“You’re hot too.”

“I’m too short to be hot and I have a pointy chin.”

Hyunjin faced him, lips trembling, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

“If you have time, you can come to my place tonight… My parents aren’t home,” Hyunjin read the text message out loud, “I’m joking. But I have a trampoline.” He looked down at his puppy, resting at the foot of his bed. “Do you hear that Kkami? Changbin has a trampoline.” Kkami just breathed out as a response.

The pickup lines were getting worse but that’s why they were funny. The fact that the older took time to romance him made him happy. They were friends, they were more than friends, in fact. Yet they weren’t a couple because that word still sounded strange on the tip of their tongues. Words were for other people, to judge and satisfy their creepy curiosity; to invade and own them and to strip them of their feelings.

Happiness meant they were alone in their little world. A little world void of malevolent persons, void of their thoughts and their faultfinding speeches, where it’s only them and their hearts and their bodies yearning for each other. 

Hyunjin fell on his bed, head hovering above the floor to take a selfie with his puppy and send it to Changbin, telling him he’ll meet him this afternoon.

Promotions ended a few days ago so they all headed back to their respective families. Hyunjin hoped to see Changbin outside of their workplace and outside of their dorm, but never had the courage to ask him. He’d been thinking about sex, a lot. He didn’t know how, though. All he wanted was to be naked and rub himself all over the older. 

He packed his bag and left after telling his mom he would be sleeping at Changbin’s. She gave him snacks to eat on the way so he did. She had been feeding him well, like when he was fourteen and she worried he didn’t eat enough to compensate for all the sports he played.

The sky was grey but it felt warm, he still put on a mask and a cap. Just in case.

When he rang the bell, Changbin’s mom came in to pinch his cheek, “still as handsome as ever. And you’ve grown taller as well.” He smiled shyly and saw Changbin waiting on the stairs across the entrance, with his arms crossed. “Have you been waiting for me?” He asked him after his mom left. He took off his cap and mask and placed them on top of his bag, against the wall.

“Yes, obviously,” the older got up and led them to the garden. Changbin’s house was big and fancy. All the walls were pearl white, decorated by paintings his mother loved to collect and there were a lot of candles too. It smelled good, fresh, like the air had brought in flower fields.

They sat on a swinging bench and Hyunjin hugged his knees while leaning his head on the older’s shoulder.

Changbin was writing lyrics about the weather. “It’s like when artists have to draw everyday, so they don’t lose the habit. I write stuff everyday, even if it’s dumb sometimes.”

“Great, all I have been doing is eating and meet my friends.”

“I’ve seen mine too. It was nice. It’s different from when we’re just the nine of us.”

“Different, how?”

“Like I’m with a bunch of adults for once,” he shot him a sly grin and Hyunjin snatched his notebook as a revenge. 

“Let’s see what’s up about the weather.” 

Changbin let him read. 

“The sky is grey, just like my soul. The dark left me, I’ve been robbed by the light, it’s called Hyunjin.”

“Uh, it’s so bad and dumb.”

“No it’s cute, but too old-fashioned,” the younger gave him a toothy smile, handing him the notebook, “where’s the trampoline you promised?”

Changbin held his hand and took him farther in the garden. The trampoline was still the small one they used to play with during their trainee days. It was made for children but they didn’t care back then. “I was helping my dad clean the garage when I found it. It reminded me of you.”

“Let’s give it a new lease of life then!” Hyunjin said before letting go of their hands and jumping in. He started to make the usual noises he let out when he was happy, like _wooh wooh_. Changbin joined him and they started doing flips, though the younger couldn’t hop too high because he was scared to hurt himself. 

So he sat cross-legged, watching the older do backflips, then tackled his legs with a giggle. Changbin fell on him with a huff, “was that on purpose?”

“Yes,” he rolled them over so he was on top and could lay his head on the older’s chest. 

They didn’t initiate more contact than that, except when Changbin couldn’t resist playing with the soft hair. “You colored it black, looks nice,” he told him.

“Yeah, now we both match. Black hair, black clothes, black eyes. Even our socks are black,” the younger raised his leg, the shorts he was wearing slid down his thigh and Changbin looked at the muscle instead of the black socks.

“How’s your family?” He asked when Hyunjin put his leg down.

“They’re fine. Kkami is fine too, but almost didn’t recognize me.” 

Changbin knew the younger was poutting by now, he let go of his hair and went to massage his ear. “Yeah, pets are like that,” he replied absentmindedly. 

Hyunjin looked up at him with a frown, “that’s mean.”

“That’s the reality.”

“That’s why you don’t have pets, you’d be too dark for them.”

Changbin pinched his ear and Hyunjin yawped, turning to climb on him and tickle him. The older fought back as he trapped him between his knees and pushed him down, “you have no chance, I’m stronger.”

“But I’m taller,” Hyunjin flipped them over easily, using his long legs and arms. They began to laugh while trying to pin each other down and eventually stopped to catch their breath.

“It’s too warm now,” said the younger, sitting as he took off his sweater and brushed his hair back. Changbin watched him, something prickled in the hollow of his belly.

“Like what you see?” Hyunjin asked with a smirk.

“Very, the best view ever.”

“So you finally admit I’m a wonder of the world?”

“Yes. But you’re only mine.”

Hyunjin looked down, no longer playful. He toyed with the rim of his shorts, “I’m not as perfect as you think I am, you know.”

Changbin sat up, each leg on either side of the younger, and held one of his hands. “You are to me, but I understand how you feel,” he blinked, suddenly nervous, “you’re all I like and all I want. And you make my heart go crazy. You make me feel things I never felt before, I discover new parts of me and I want to be better and that’s why you’re perfect, because there’s more to you than what you think.”

Hyunjin cocked his head to the side, staring at him. 

Changbin blushed, looking away, “okay, maybe I went a little overboard here.” He felt arms around him and lips brushing his collarbone. “You’re the best, this is everything,” the whisper tickled his skin and he hugged the younger back. 

They stayed like this until Hyunjin started trembling in his arms, sniffing and rubbing his face in the crook of the older’s neck.

“I’m sorry I made you cry,” he said, tightening his hold. The younger groaned, voice muffled by the clothes. Then looked up, dejected, his eyes were red and puffy, “I need to blow my nose.”

Changbin smiled, wiping the tears with the back of his fingers. 

They went back inside, Hyunjin blew his nose many times before gulping a big glass of water. After that, Hyunjin wanted to watch a movie on the swinging bench so they did, they played a western film on Changbin’s laptop but the younger dozed off in the middle. He decided to write again, scribbling his thoughts then striking them out. 

He wrote about the side effects of crying; runny nose, dry skin, headache, scrappy voice. He wrote about tinting his hair black and the color soaking down his pores until he was only a shadow and disappeared. He wrote about how people were beautiful until other people touched them with their hands or with their words, and made them crack like they were disposable goods. 

He hoped it would never happen to any of them, especially not to Hyunjin.

He wrote about possessiveness, not his but theirs. Anger filling their lungs and their heads like a disease. He wrote about being alone surrounded by millions of strangers pointing at him with judgment in their eyes.

Suddenly, he was scared. Hyunjin stirred beside him and he decided to close the pages.

Eventually, his mother called them for dinner. Hyunjin slowly woke up, stretching his limbs in a groan, “how long did I sleep?”

“An hour, maybe.”

“Hmm... I didn’t plan to sleep tonight, anyway,” he said in an insolent grin.

“Me neither,” Changbin grinned back.

Inside, the lit candles drew random patterns on the walls and the table was already settled, pretty and immaculate. They ate, with the addition of Changbin’s father, chatting about work, especially Stray Kids’ work. “You are all very talented. I’m proud to see you kids on tv and look online how much the public loves you.”

Unlike his, Changbin’s parents weren’t really affectionate but Hyunjin could sense how much they loved and valued their son just by hearing them talk.

After they finished eating, they put everything in the dishwasher and headed to the older’s bedroom. 

It was large and impersonal, smelled nothing, like a hotel room, but without the titivation. Anyone sleeping here couldn’t tell who was the owner and what was their personality. Hyunjin suspected Changbin to willingly hide himself, something along his stuff being too dark, thereby too personal. Like he didn’t want people to look into his soul and find his many secrets. Which was totally absurd considering how honest and spontaneous he was on camera.

Nonetheless, he understood why. Being exposed and known was weird enough that it changed them, changed their perspective on life. Like they couldn’t be themselves anymore because they belonged to something else with many, many hands and many, many eyes.

Yet he knew that inside the perfectly lined books were kept all of Changbin’s thoughts.

“Do you want to shower first?” The older asked, sliding his notebook in the library above the empty desk. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he answered before locking himself in the large bathroom. He showered quickly and came back, drying his hair with a towel. Changbin was at the desk, typing on his computer while some background music played. His pajamas were hazardously thrown on the bed and his socks kicked in a corner. The room started to smell like him, too. 

Hyunjin felt better, so he jumped on the bed, taking his phone out of his bag. 

“Don’t make me wait too long! I might get bored,” he said as he made himself comfortable against the pillows. Changbin smacked his calf and left for a short while; only to return with jellies, the octopus ones Hyunjin loved. He stretched out on the bed after turning off the lights, except for the bedside lamp. The younger was already glued to his side and snatching the sweets.

“What should we do now?” Changbin wondered out loud, looking at Hyunjin who just stared back while munching his candies.

“I thought I came here to have sex,” the younger replied simply.

“That’s not why I invited you here…” He stated, and Hyunjin arched his eyebrows. “Okay, maybe I’ve been thinking about doing more than cuddling you.” He opened his mouth when Hyunjin hold out a jelly for him to eat.

“Me too, like I’ve been three days alone in my room and I forgot how to be a teenager again,” the younger pouted, putting away the candies. He licked his sticky fingers then wiped them on his shirt.

“You’re cute.”

Hyunjin looked up, “I’m just a gross boy too lazy to wash my hands.”

“It’s not what you do, it’s more the way you do things that makes you cute.”

Hyunjin stared at him silently then rolled over to lay half on top of him. “I wish I was as good at words as you. I could tell you exactly how I feel instead of just saying I like you,” he whispered, playing with the folds of the black shirt Changbin was wearing.

“Don’t worry about that,” he brushed the younger’s wet bangs out of his face, “your eyes are always talking to me.”

Hyunjin lifted himself on his elbows and leaned down to kiss him. It started slow, tender until the hunger appeared with the slip of their tongues in both of their mouths.

Changbin’s hips bucked up when Hyunjin threw his leg to straddle him, sitting with his hands on top of the older’s chest. His darkened eyes were looking at him, unfocused and he grinded down as Changbin’s hands slid up to his waist.

“I want you,” he said thickly, rolling his hips again.

“How?” Changbin asked softly. He wanted to flip them over, pin him down and do something between those long legs. He wanted him bare and open and… He blinked his desires away and concentrated on Hyunjin who began to pant.

“I don’t know, I don’t know…” The younger eyes fluttered shut, his hands gripping the fabric of the shirt weakly. The dim light made his skin glow and the wettest part of his hair shone like golden glitter. It was beautiful.

“I want to touch,” he whispered, still rocking their hips together as his hands left their spot to slid under the clothing and roll it up. He put his palms flat on the abs, moving up to his pectorals. “You’ve gotten bigger,” he said in a breath.

“I can’t be short and skinny,” Changbin answered, “that doesn’t look good.”

“You look good even without muscles, trust me,” the younger’s eyes softened, “do you want to see me too?”

Changbin nodded and Hyunjin took off his pajama top. He looked as perfect as ever, broad shoulders from all the swimming, defined arms and a thin waist. Only his tummy had a bump, with all the meals and jellies he ate today.

“You can touch me, you know you can always touch me,” Hyunjin said, grinding down his hips again.

So Changbin did, he thumbed his belly button, thumbed his nipples, bucking his hips up to meet the younger’s thrust. He was hard, they both were. The friction burned them like overflowing lava. 

He sat up to hold Hyunjin against him and kiss him and feel the thumping of his heart against his own. 

The younger pulled up his shirt, crossing his legs behind his back and kissing him again. Changbin’s hands traveled down in his shorts and boxer to grab his butt and draw him more towards him. He felt hands slip in his own underwear and tug his dick. 

They stopped kissing to look down at Hyunjin’s fingers wrapped around the thick girth. And Changbin’s hands slipped out of the back of the younger’s shorts to his front, freeing him, longer but slimmer than his and equally as hard.

Hyunjin pressed their dicks together and started pumping, holding on Changbin who kissed him hungrily. Then he let go of Hyunjin’s mouth and went to lick his neck, enjoying the beautiful tiny moans that aroused him little by little.

They came like that, in a warm embrace of kisses and whimpers. 

And stayed tangled a bit more, until they could breathe in a normal space again.

Once they parted, Changbin cleaned them with his shirt. Hyunjin flopped down, rubbing his eyes, “I taste like candies and salt but I’m too tired to go brush my teeth...” He gripped the older’s wrist with pleading eyes, “don’t go.”

“I won’t,” he replied, laying down as Hyunjin wrapped himself around him. Changbin kissed his forehead, playing with the soft hair then going to caress his bare back, fingers sliding down his tailbone and going up again. He liked pressing the tips in the hollow line, it was smooth and the bumps of the bones felt wonderful.

“Do you still want me?” Hyunjin whispered, breath tickling his chest. His body grew stiff for a second, “do you still like me?”

Changbin frowned, but he understood the insecurity that came with sharing something so intimate. Because they made themselves vulnerable and opened their hearts. And even if it was mutual, there was this little voice that wondered if the other felt the same. 

“Yes. And you?”

“Yes,” Hyunjin relaxed, nuzzling at his chest. He heard the heartbeats and it sounded familiar, like it was built for his ears only.

Changbin waited until the younger fell into slumber to get up, close his laptop and turn off the lamp. He went back in bed and pulled the covers over them, then dozed off with Hyunjin’s hair tickling his nose.

In the morning, the ring of his phone woke him up like a slap in the face.

Changbin groaned, reaching to see the notification. An e-mail sent from Jisung with two attached documents named _JO1907_lyrics6_ and _JO1907_instru2_ appeared. He read the message quickly, “Yo, I’ve dug into the darkest part of Spotify and got into some serious fucked up shit but I think I’ve got something. Tell me what you guys think. Peace.”

He opened his chatroom with 3Racha and typed “dude, it’s fucking nine in the morning.” Jisung responded in english, “ARTISTS DON’T SLEEP. WE MUST SUFFER.”

He turned off his phone, looking down at Hyunjin who slept with his mouth open and his face squished in a pillow. He pulled the blanket higher over him so he wouldn’t get cold and decided to get up since he was awake anyway.

After his shower, he sat at his desk, put on his earpods and opened Jisung’s files. 

The instrumental was way heavier than their last album and bolder but he liked it that way. Not sure if it meant anything, though. For now, the three of them were just toying around with genres and setting free their creativity. 

Then, he read the lyrics and they surely were better than his grey sky ones from yesterday.

His phone rang again and that was Chan texting that the world belonged to early birds, flooding the chat with laughing characters. Jisung responded with “he’s more like an old crow than an early bird. He can’t chirp” and smashed his keyboard, because Changbin couldn’t decypher a single word. 

He rolled his eyes but gave a faint smile because he liked the teasing. He wasn’t fully functional to joke back, though.

His stomach started to growl, which meant it was time to wake Hyunjin and eat breakfast. He sat next to the sleepy boy, poking his cheek a few times before shaking him until he whined and buddled up in the blanket.

“Isn’t it too early?” The younger asked, voice muffled by the covers.

“I can’t hear you”, he lied.

Hyunjin’s head poked out of his cocoon with sleepy eyes and spiky hair, “I bet it’s height in the morning and you just want to kick me out after you used my body.”

Changbin bursted into laughter, “where do you get all those ideas?”

“From movies, obviously. That’s why I read books too, they’re more romantic.”

Changbin smacked his butt, or what he thought was his butt because it was all still hidden under the blanket, “you can use the bathroom while I make breakfast. Meet me downstairs.”

“Oh, a date? That’s nice.”

“I’m just reheating the leftovers, nothing fancy.”

“Fancy isn’t like us, anyway,'' he grinned.

When Changbin left, he got up to take a bath and went downstairs to find Changbin stirring the steaming pot with one hand in his pocket. He hugged him from the back, deposing his chin on his shoulder.

“Looks good,” he said. Changbin hummed, leaning in the embrace.

They ate directly from pot, too lazy to set the table.

“Do you have plans today?” Hyunjin asked, sauce smeared on his mouth.

“Hanging out with my friends. I’d like you to come with me.”

“Really?”

“My friends like you. They say you’re handsome and cool.”

“Okay,” he responded shyly.

They cleaned everything before heading for the bedroom and change. Hyunjin sat on the bed while Changbin tried on some pants, “all my good stuff is at the dorm. I look like a clown.”

“Why? Because it’s not black?”

“Precisely because it’s not black.”

Hyunjin smirked, “you know you’re just a sunshine, right?”

Changbin shot him a look, settling on something simple, like a pair of grey jeans and a white shirt. Not too bad, he thought. “Okay, your turn,” he pulled the younger up who just hugged him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“I like your smell,” Hyunjin whispered, “can I wear something yours?”

“Yes,” he replied as he wrapped his arms around his thin frame. 

With their bodies warm and their hearts thumping like their were meant to collide, there was no other place to be.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave comments, it's what keep us fed. I hope you enjoyed reading~
> 
> twt: @hyuniebinie


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